REVISION 4 PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT GRADES 10 & 11

What is the cause of family violence? This occurs in families where there is a lack of love and respect between husband and wife. The man paid bride price and thinks that the wife belongs to him as his slave.

Family violence usually starts with a violent man. He may come home drunk and blame his wife when there is no food. She talks cross to him but he bashes her to punish her. There is no money in the house.

Sometimes the wife is to blame. She may not look after the family but prefers to play cards down the street and spend money on home brew and cigarettes.

She comes home after the husband and has done no washing and cooking. The children are dirty and hungry with no food to eat. The husband is angry and bashes her.

At times the husband comes home late or not at all as he has a girl friend that he visits and gives part of his pay to her.

That is why there is no money for the wife. She is desperately playing cards to win money for the dinner at night. Then he blames her.

How can family violence be stopped? It can only be stopped if both husband and wife are determined to work together with no tricks with money.

There are always arguments that can occur but these can be solved with patience and tolerance. There should be no winners or losers in an argument but always WIN-WIN.

The married couple should show their children how they may argue but always end with love and peace. The father brings peace  with a Big Rooster Chicken and a large bottle of Coca Cola for the family.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU BUSH KANAKA MERI??

Last week, I was sitting in a Public Motor Vehicle or PMV in Lae when a woman came on board with a small boy of 2 years old. He was crying loudly.

The mother threw him up the steps and he cried more. Then she threw him into a front seat and he banged his head and cried more. Then she sat down and started slapping him in the face. All the passengers were watching in horror.

I said to her in Tok Pisin in a loud voice “ What do you think you are doing you stupid bush kanaka meri. The boy was crying and you made him cry more. You should be hugging him not slapping him.”

She glared at me as if she was going to eat me. Then she held the boy to her and talked to him. She wanted to pay my bus fare but I had paid. On the way out the passengers smiled at me and gave me the thumbs up.

White men can be useful. That was the first violence I had seen on PNG public transport in 8 years. That is the truth Powes Parkop and David Conn.

But then perhaps there should be a fleet of Pikinini Seif buses in Port Moresby for small children bashed by their mothers. Haha.

IS PARENTAL DISCIPLINE CHILD ABUSE?

Throughout ages and civilizations there have been discipline / punishment for those breaking the law. Governments have authority to arrest, charge and put law breakers into prison.

Other world Governments legislate capital punishment. Sex crimes in the United States can be punished by several life sentences with no hope of parole.

The doctor who sexually abused 300 Olympic girls was sentenced to 175 years in prison. He will die in prison. It is accepted that he will repeat his crime if released.

Moslem nations claim the right to stone adulterers, cane law breakers with long rods of bamboo and behead condemned criminals in a public place. There is also the practice of honour killing of young women by men in families.

We are told that it is the job of parents to guide their children to acceptable behaviour with conduct and values. Parents are to discipline their children with love and caring.

Yet we are being told by the foreign lesbians that parental discipline is child abuse. Parents are not to make a child cry by what childless lesbians call physical or verbal abuse.

Of course there are guidelines that parents need to follow. A child must not be smacked before the age of 3 years. The child needs to understand the mother language so that there will be understanding of the reason for the parental response.

Small children should not be shaken that will cause damage to the neck, spinal column and brain.

If discipline makes a child cry, a loving parent will follow up with hug, kiss and gentle talk. Would you like to come to market with me? We will have a nice piece of water melon.

Some parents smack rather than train their child. A child is smacked for disturbing the mother while she is playing cards or drinking home brew. The child is smacked for soiling the floor or urinating in the bedroom.

Further smacks will come with spilling food from a spoon that the child has not yet learned to use. A child may be smacked for crying.

If there is to be smacking, there should be no blows to the head or abdomen where there could be physical damage. Some children will push their parents into helplessness if the parent speaks to them and allows them to continue with their misconduct.

The purpose of all punishment in the world is to promote repentance. This may not work for some criminals. A serial killer may well return to killing if released from prison after 30 years.

We find in Papua New Guinea that applicants for employment require a police clearance.

How many young people will destroy their capacity to be employed with a  police record for smoking marijuana or being arrested by police during a school cult fight?

Parents and children have to understand that the task of parents is to protect young people from harm and foolishness of being denied employment for the rest of their lives by stupid unthinking misconduct. Parents teach self discipline.

Violence among gay and lesbian families has been widely reported on Google.

Domestic Violence in the LGBT Community - Encyclopedia of Social ...

socialwork.oxfordre.com/view/10.1093/acrefore/.../acrefor

Entry provides an overview of scholarship to inform strength-based social work practice 

REVISION - PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT GRADE 11

Needs of Family: Family needs love, caring, respect among family members, close relationship with extended family, gender equality of family members, no abuse, food, clothing, medicine (particularly for treatment of malaria and diarrhoea), values of faith, living, family, kindness to people in need, domestic violence to be avoided, self esteem for family members, education for children and parents if needed, employment, money for all family needs.

Abuse: There should not be abuse in a family particularly towards women and girls. Men and boys can be abused in a family too. Violent abuse (bashing, torture), Verbal abuse ( name calling - pamuk man, pamuk meri), Financial abuse (money not given to wife and children as punishment), Sexual abuse ( rape, incest, child sex, unnatural sex).

Contraception is the act of blocking ovulation and pregnancy by artificial means as part of family planning (1) rhythm method – sex in the safe period of the menstrual cycle (2) Depo-provera is an injection every 3 months to block ovulation and pregnancy (3) condom is a rubber placed on the penis or in the vagina to prevent pregnancy and HIV infection. There is a male and female condom. (4) Vasectomy is the cutting of the man’s sperm duct to block the passage of sperm (5) Tubal ligation is the blocking of the female oviduct often by burning with an electric device to prevent the passage of the ovum and fertilization (6) Pill is taken daily by the woman to prevent ovulation (8)Intra-uterine device  (IUD) is a nylon loop inserted in the uterus to block fertilization.

Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs),These are viruses that will infect men and women during sexual intercourse. Gonnohoea is an infectious venereal disease  with discharge of mucus and pus from the eurethra and vagina. Syphilis is a sexually transmitted disease that affects the genitals and progresses to all parts of the body. The virus can damage the brain. HIV is a virus that infects through exchange of body fluids of blood, semen or saliva.

HIV is a virus that infects the body through (1) vaginal sex (2) anal sex (3) oral sex (4) infected syringes used by addicts and (5) infected blood used in transfusions. It slowly destroys the immune system by attacking the CD4 cells in the blood and in the small intestine. The HIV breeds in CD4 and slowly destroys the small intestine or gut thus blocking the absorption of nutrients, water and salts.

The patient suffers from weight loss and diarrhoea and the nutrients and water pass through the body. The person becomes weak and slowly moves to destruction of the immune system and the onset of AIDS. There has to be treatment with antiretroviral medication (ARV) 2 times a day for the rest of the person’s life. The person may live for another 30 years. Without ARV the person will die within 6-10 years. With ARV daily, the small intestine slowly mends and allows absorption of nutrients, salts and  water.

There are two lines of drugs. If the sufferer defaults on the first line the virus may become immune with the need for the second line of ARV to be used. There is no third line and the person dies. In final or full blown AIDS the person becomes demented and dreams about being killed by evil spirits. They scream at night. There is memory loss and the person comes to forget who they are and does not even recognize their family. Then they die looking like a skeleton.

Raped women need to go to the AIDS clinic within 60 hours of the rape to be given ARV treatment. If they wait longer and the man is HIV positive they will be infected. If he is not HIV positive they are safe. They take ARV for one month. If there is virus in the woman’s blood, it will be removed and she will be cleared of the infection. There is a chart on the ANGAU AIDS clinic on ARV within 60 hours of rape called PEP treatment. Seek a doctor's advice.

Pregnant women have to go to the care clinic after they are diagnosed as pregnant to receive an AIDS test. If negative they and the foetus are safe. If positive, she has to begin ARV before the baby is born. The baby can be infected at birth by mixing of mother’s blood and baby’s blood in the womb. But if she is on ARV the virus will be cleared from the blood. An HIV mother not on ARV may give the virus to the baby in breast milk and mixing of blood at birth. There can be internal bleeding to infect the foetus if the pregnant mother is punched in the stomach by a violent husband.

Nutrition for pregnant mother. She needs to eat well for herself and baby. It is important for her to eat fruit and vegetables every day and drink clean water. She must not drink alcohol or home brew and smoke tobacco or marijuana  as this will damage the baby and reduce its brain power. It may be born small and weak with the danger of heart problems in later years.

The mother needs to  exercise daily but not do hard work. The mother must go for an AIDS test before the baby is born. A baby must not be born HIV positive. 

TELLING LIES IS PAPUA NEW GUINEA CULTURE

We read so much about the stresses and problems in PNG families leading to domestic violence.

Expatriate advisors are ready to blame men in the family but the level of expatriate naivety is quite enormous.

There is so much that foreigners can never understand about the stresses within the PNG family.

Telling lies is part of culture. It is all about covering tracks and starts in early childhood. A boy wants to find the house of a young girl in the village.

So he asks about the home of the pastor. Then he walks around looking for his old school friend Peter. He has not found the house of the young girl.

Ah there she is. It is a surprise to see you here. I am looking for Pastor Rava. Liar. He was looking for her.

In many families all members tell lies. A man or wife says they are going to church when they are going to play cards and drink homebrew.

The daughter is going to study with her class girlfriend when they are both going to a nightclub.

She left her best dress at the friend’s house the day before. She tells lies to her father when he phones on her cell phone. 

He thinks she is at a house at Gerehu but she is at a disco at a local hotel. She is with a man and plans to go home with him.

Many girls and boys never tell their parents where they are going. They just disappear and come back the next day. Why tell their parents that they are boozing at the river?

Many parents are very afraid to give freedom to their daughters even after the age of consent. They are afraid that they will make mistakes and suffer injury or death.

A young girl may go to a nightclub, be given a drug in her drink and be taken home for sex by some expatriate or national man.

Another may be taken to the river, gang raped and killed by a gang of men. Parents may think the worst when their daughter is not yet at home at 3.00am.

Young boys are part of the male boy culture. I have a 4 year old grandson who prefers to be down the street with all the other little boys.

That is the start of his life as a street boy. Let us hope that his mother will make him focus on the home at least for food, washing, sleep, school and family quiet time.

Some villages have a haus man, haus meri and haus boi. Even small boys are expected to make their way among their male peers from an early age. I saw my 4 year old grandson punching another boy last week.

My daughters’ cousin has a 13 year old boy who has just been removed from my house to stay with his uncle up the road.

He would never obey any instruction, receive school money but not go to school, come in for dinner at 7.00pm and then silently go back on to the street.

He would never bring a report card home and never go to school on test days. He would wear his school uniform all week without changing.

So what do parents do? There was a statement in the media from Hohola police station that parents have to discipline their children against smoking marijuana and drinking home brew.

He would have to be joking. The police had just arrested 10 men aged 25 years old at Hohola, the urban home of marijuana.

Parents have no control over most boys and girls from early teenage years. They do what they like away from the home.

My children in Australia never gave trouble. They came home and stayed home just like all the other boys and girls in Australian nuclear families.

My PNG daughters may come in at 9.00pm to check on their small children being looked after by grandfather and two pre-teenage girls.

The daughters are home and now their dad can lock the door and go to sleep.

But he wakes up at 11.00pm to find the door open and two daughters nowhere to be seen. They are playing cards up the road and may come back at mid-night.

I still love them. They look after the house, go to market, cook food, wash clothes, spend my money and look after the kids. But they like to be out now that they are over the age of consent.

Parents can just hope that their grown up children do not die before they mature as adults. Some married boys and girls still want to go out at night to do their thing.

It is the cause of ongoing domestic violence. A man would never admit to male friends that his wife wants him to stay home. What kind of girlie girlie is he? He should have bashed her.

Parents hope that girls will not spoil their studies, become pregnant, enter a violent hateful relationship with a boy who will come looking for them with a gun or bush knife.

They hope they will not be HIV positive after earning card money to gamble by selling their bodies.

The foreign lesbians think they have the game sewn up. They seek to make all boys and girls free to roam the streets by denouncing all parental discipline

Mothers and fathers are not allowed parental discipline as it is child abuse. Foreign lesbians want family chaos.

How do parents discipline? Make criticism (child abuse), smack the child (child abuse), deny money (child abuse), ground them for a week (child abuse) send a child to bed without dinner (child abuse), remove them from the house (child abuse).

It all fails when the child ignores all words and discipline and just walks out of the house. The child has just become a stranger.

I know one family whose father is afraid to discipline his 18 year old son as he knows the son will kill him. The son is what is known as a marijuana drug body. He has never been disciplined in his life. 

We have not touched on the lies that young girls tell to expatriate men to get money. I have a violent husband who bashes me and has forced me to leave my baby with my cousin. Could I stay in your apartment for a few days? I have no money for baby food. Please help me.

This is why the schools Personal Development curriculum stresses rights and responsibilities of all family members. It will fail for about 40% of families.

UNAIDS ON POLYGAMY

There has been a public statement from UNAIDS on the effects of polygamy on the levels of HIV/AIDS.

This is the first statement made by UNAIDS that AIDS Holistics has ever agreed with. Does this mean that UNAIDS is slowly becoming supportive of family. Or is UNAIDS still anti-man?

The increase in polygamy has the direct effect of men going out seeking sex with other women and women attached to a polygamous man going out to sell their bodes to find money to feed the family.

Too many polygamous men can not afford to support 2 or 3 women and children. Someone has to suffer. The man comes home with HIV and infects the other wives.

Or a wife goes out to find money and brings back HIV infection to the man to be passed on to his other wives, their children and babies.

Good men have businesses that make each wife financially secure.

AIDS WOMAN DIES AND LEAVES BABY

There is a puzzle of how this woman in full blown AIDS gave birth to the child with no maternal blood mixing with foetal blood in the womb and causing infection with HIV. She gave birth 12 months before she died.

My daughters have a cousin who has just died and left her baby to her sister as foster mother. The woman denied that she was HIV positive and claimed to have TB infection. In her last days, she looked like a skeleton from a Nazi prison camp.

The family claimed she was afraid to tell her father as he would kill her. So she gave the child away ready to die. The child was 12 months old which means she became pregnant in final AIDS.

I was concerned that the child was HIV positive and quietly approached the foster mother and her husband. Both said the baby was taken for 3 AIDS tests since birth and he was negative. He certainly was not skeletal but very weak and unable to walk.

The foster mother said he had never drunk his mother's breast milk and was given Lactogen that proclaims large numbers of vitamins on the package. Smart lady.

But like a kaskas dog denied mother's milk, the boy may have had a weak immune system from a lack of mother's nutrients in the milk. The kaskas dog is the last in the litter denied mother's early colostrum and milk.

I have suggested that the foster mother brings the boy around to my two daughters to be given a daily teaspoon or tablespoon of breast milk that may lift his strength. The extended family in operation.