SCHOOLS CAN REDUCE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Domestic violence has its beginnings in the home, schools and churches. It starts with uneducated parents who lack the ability to communicate with each other.

Neither may speak English and both have different mother tongues. So they can not talk with each other or their children. They lack the ability to discuss family issues even in tok pisin.

My family is lucky. I have been a single father in Papua New Guinea for 19 years with two daughters, Though fluent in tok pisin, I only ever spoke to them in English. Both regard English as their first language.

They speak English like expatriates and have friendly openness. They are able to talk, discuss and make jokes which makes them of interest to educated young men. They can thank their white dad.

I hope that they will both marry PNG men who are educated and appreciate my daughters and their skill in listening, talking and joking. My younger daughter gained a Distinction in Grade 10 English in 2015.

There is a sad situation in many PNG schools where silence reigns in most schools. Students just sit and write.

Many girls and boys do not talk in class as they (1) do not understand the words of the teacher and (2) are unable to frame a statement or question. 

So many just sit like logs year in year out, afraid to speak. Many lack the ability to understand and analyze issues. Some are under pressure from fellow students to remain silent. Every class has its bullies.

When they marry, they may not be able to understand the words of their spouse who will be unable to understand them. They will find that communication takes place mainly through broken language and violence.

Schools need to focus on helping boys and girls to respect and be able to talk and help one another. At schools there should be natural gender equality in study.

The answer is to encourage boys and girls to sit together in class. Then they can help one another with school work and relax in the company of the opposite sex.

Many boys and girls are not experienced in doing that. They treat mixing with the opposite sex as serious business.

Young men treat girls as the enemy not as friends as they are totally uncomfortable in talking to them.

They may find rape easier than asking a young woman for sex. Such young people will be unable to find the language to talk to their spouse freely about family problems. Shouting and punching replace words.

Recently I was told of a cult group that punished boys and girls for mixing together in school. Boys were to keep away from girls.

My daughters have a cousin who lived with us and then moved in with a young man in a house some distance away.

She returned to us last week and said the boy was starting to bash her. They did not have a common language except that he spoke tok pisin and broken English. He got his message across with violence.

He told her she was not to leave the house. She was not to talk to other women and could not play volley ball in the street, What a cheeky bush kanaka who had not even paid bride price.

Churches contribute to disunity of families by requiring men and boys to sit on one side of the aisle and women and girls to sit on the other side. The aisle separates all parish families.

Churches should promote closeness of families not segregation of sexes during a church service. It sounds like a practice that missionaries brought from the Middle Ages.

In the Personal Development lessons in schools, I have always stressed the importance of a boy and girl able to speak the same language and be able to discuss family matters. The language may replace violence.

My younger daughter has a 24 year old boy friend who talks to her daily on their cell phones. She finds a corner of the yard, sits under a tree and talks, laughs and discusses with him by the hour …….  in English.

Last week he phoned at 3 am as he just wanted to talk. They both woke me up. I hope they marry. Their relationship will have talking, laughing and discussing but surely with no violence.

Children have reduced hope in schools if they cannot speak English and have parents who have no English as well.