VIOLENT MEN BECOME OLD MEN

There is a story from the highlands of Papua New Guinea

about a man who was violent and abusive to his family.

He would bash his wife and children whenever they made

him angry.

He would abuse his daughters. When he was angry with his

small children, he would take them to a large tree near the

house and hang them up-side down by a long rope.

He would leave them there often until night. His wife would

come to comfort them but he would bash her. The children

would be cold and afraid but the man did not care.

His eldest son would try to stop his father from beating his

mother, brothers and sisters. But he was too small to fight

his father.

The years past and the mother died. The children grew up

and married men and women from the clan area. The old man

had no one to look after him.

None of his children would care for him. They would not

allow their children to come to visit the grandfather. He was

alone.

One night the old man sat in his house lonely and hungry. So

he walked to the village on a ridge line many kilometers away.

There his eldest son lived with his family. The old man had not

seen his son in many years, except from a distance.

He stood outside the door and his son’s wife came to meet

him. She knew him from when she was a small girl and knew

of his cruelty. She invited her father-in-law into the house and

gave him some food. His son was not at the house.

After an hour, the son arrived and stood staring at his father.

They did not speak. His wife tried to make peace between

them but a wall stood between them that the father had built

all those years before. They sat while the father ate his food.

Finally the son told his father that it was time to sleep. He

asked him if he would like to sleep the night. The old man

was very pleased that his son was kind to him.

The son went outside and came back with a large rope. He

grabbed his father and told him that he was no longer a

small boy. Tying his father’s legs together, he dragged him

outside to a large tree.

Hoisting his father to the top of the tree, he called to him

that it was time to sleep. The son was paying his father for

the cruelty towards the family. The old man stayed there in

the cold and rain of a highlands night.

In the morning, villagers awoke to find an old man hanging

in the top branches of the tree. His mouth was open and his

eyes were closed. The old man had died during the night.

The son had done wrong and would have to face the law of

the nation. Scripture tells us that revenge belongs to God and

not to the individual.

Fathers have to know that if they do not look after their

family in early years, there will be no-one to look after
them when they are old.

Explain how you feel about this man?

I feel that this man is very stupid and evil. He has

harmed his family by violence. He does not love them.

But they have paid him back as he grew old. They did

not look after him until he died.

Men have to realize that their young family is helpless

and he has the responsibility to protect them. But the

time will come when they are adults and strong and

he is a weak old man. Then there may be no one to
love and care for him.

Why does the village do nothing to stop him?

The village may not have a strong village council to

bring peace and justice to the village. We read in the

media of sons killing brothers and fathers. At times,

men kill mothers, wives and daughters. These days

the power in many highlands villages rests with the

men and boys with the guns.

There is no way that a village can safely try to stop

violence of a man to his wife. Or at times, a wife to

a man. The village may stand by and say “samting

bilong tupela marit”.

What message is there for violent men?

The message is that men have to look after the family.

If they do not family members will not look after them

in old age. He will starve alone with no contact from

those he abused as children.